Below is the post I wrote in 2016 to launch this site. It was a dark time for me. I was struggling in new ways with my health, and I was unsure of what it was going to do to me going forward. Like a journal entry, I go back to read this post from time to time, and what I can tell you almost five years later is every bit of it is still true. The storm clouds our Savior sends to train us may perplex us, but they do not drive us to despair because we have a treasure in these jars of clay; the Holy Spirit and the faith he supplies always rises to the challenge. He never lets go of his children. We are kept by the power of God through faith (1 Peter 1:5).
The sky has turned dark. It has not always been this way, but now it is frightening. Not long ago, it was bright and sunny as was the disposition of my heart, but now the thunder crashes are similar to the war drums of an enemy telling me that I will never survive. When the skies were clear, I always imagined that I had the strength to handle whatever would come my way, but now as I stand here, I realize how weak I am compared to the power of this storm.
Somehow, the darkness that has surrounded me has begun to make its way into my soul. The doubts, confusions, and fears continue to whisper to me, and they seem to be penetrating deep into my heart. It even has a way of making the simple tasks of the day seem burdensome. Deep inside me, it has revealed the truth that I am no match for what I am facing, and to crown its victory, it declares my sinfulness by reminding me of my many failures.
However, that is not all this storm has revealed; something deeper still has begun to stir. Something that is turning my eyes away from the ephemeral and focusing my attention on what endures. It was there before the skies turned dark, but I am only now beginning to see its power. It has gripped me and will not let go. It is something that was born within by a strength not my own which is what gives it a life of its own. It is said, those born in this way will overcome the world, and what is this victory that overcomes the world – our faith.
It often takes a storm more powerful than I am before I reach out for the Hand that is more powerful than the storm, and though the tempest remembers my transgressions, the Hands that hold me bear the scars of nail piercings that declare my forgiveness. I still tremble, and sometimes it is difficult to tell whether it is out of fear or out of faith, but what I am beginning to see is that there is something, or should I say, Someone, greater within me than what is in the world.
One day it will all be put right, but the sky is still dark, and the storm is still raging. When I see the things of this world slipping from my grasp, the tears sometimes well up in my eyes. Although, I’ve learned that the One who holds me is also directing the storm, so I have nothing to fear. You may not always see me holding it together, but know this, deep inside, there is a battle raging to set me free from the things that hold me captive. That battle is the fight of faith, and that battle will not be lost.